I love press releases - they provide an endless sort of amusement for me. For those of us unskilled in the fine art (er, template) of press release writing, here is a good guide - I receive at least ten of these each day. Just fill in the brackets and distribute to your untargeted list of “media” at your leisure - one in ten will pick it up.

[Some man or woman], [some sort of obtuse corporate specialist, e.g. international communications specialist], was named to [some position - works best if it has an acronym in it - e.g. VP preferably] for [some company no one has heard of] and will head the [aforementioned company’s city you’ve probably never heard of] office.

[Some man or woman’s] [amount of time, e.g. two decades] of experience in [general expertise only - please, nothing specific e.g. “marketing”], spans all aspects of [whatever said company hired the person for]. Additionally, [person hired] has proven expertise in [buzzword, buzzword, buzzword].

“[PERSON HIRED] brings an incredible mix of [generalities only please] experience, which will be a boon for our agency and our clients,” said [the chief executive responsible for hiring the person] for [the company you’ve never heard of]. ”We are confident that his past success in developing innovative and effective [products, campaigns, etc.] is a clear indication of the future impact he will have on our office.”

[The remainder of the release should be spent espousing why said person is so qualified. Be as vague as possible when mentioning awards that were earned citing them only as “industry” accolades, articles that were written and details ad nausem about their career path (please include at least three well known brands or it will be thrown out - some examples include Proctor & Gamble, Phillip Morris, Kraft, etc. because at least 75% of all marketers have worked for one of these firms in some capacity so you might as well mention it.]

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